When Diamonds Aren't Forever

Yesterday I was helping a friend do something really difficult. Her family has been struggling for the past few years due to a lot of factors beyond their control and they have been playing the same game many of us have been playing of trying to keep the necessary financial plates spinning in the air without crashing to the ground and falling to pieces. I completely understand the incredible stress she is constantly under to continually figure out how to make things balance while still keeping up a lifestyle her family is accustomed to (where the kids still get fed and have a place to live). I also understand her ever present frustration at the factors beyond her control that consistently lead to the financial struggles she has to deal with and I empathize with her immensely.

As a stay-at-home mom I know what it is like to not be able to contribute to the finances other than trying to clip any coupon I can find and planning meals around an affordable staple of rice or pasta. I shop the clearance racks for my clothes as I always have but my wardrobe has definitely gone down a level in style as I now only typically purchase extremely marked down items. I get my hair cut at a cheap walk-in place instead of the salons I used to be able to enjoy. I do not have my daughter in activities we cannot afford and instead do my best to be creative and educational on my own. My friend is the same way in her family role as a mom and I know that like me, while she would like things to be easier financially and to be able to afford some of the finer things in life (like date-nights and clothes that are cut to flatter). She is not materialistic and tries to be pragmatic about "things" and puts much more importance on things like family and friendships. I have been sailing the same rough seas as my friend the past few years and I have had to do what I could to help my own family over the past few years. I have attempted to find part-time work only to have my household fall apart for a few measly dollars a week and a complete loss of family time. More than a few times I have done the only thing I could do short of selling drugs or my body (and I don't know who would even want it these days!) and I have sold my jewlery. I once had a box full of pretty silver, gold, and precious stones that has dwindled to a much smaller collection. Like my friend, I am practical and aware that anything in my jewelery box was just a "thing" an "item", a "non-need", but it was never easy to part with any of it. My friend knows what I have been through and asked me to accompany her to the buyer I had used to sell the only thing she had of any worth, her wedding rings. Her husband was aware of what she was planning to do and was not any happier than she was at the prospect but sadly in agreement that they were desperate for any financial relief they might be able to get.

We went to the store and went through the process of handing over the items to be inspected and priced. It is ironic that while you are waiting to see if you can get the money you need for an item that is likely hard to part with, you are left to wait amongst all the beautiful and new items sparkling in the counter displays, taunting you almost. 

My friend was fairly calm and while I know she was not happy to have to be there I also knew that she was doing what she could do and felt she had to do to help her family. She had an amount predetermined in her mind that was acceptable for her to sell her rings and she had prayed that if it was not at least a certain amount then she was not to part with them. The buyer came out after a what felt much longer than the ten or fifteen minutes it had been and told my friend the amount she could receive. It was only ten dollars away from the amount she immediately needed and she felt that she had received confirmation that this was what she was to do. She nodded to the girl in agreement and then burst into tears quickly apologizing that she had not expected to get so upset. The buyer is a very kind and courteous person and asked if my friend needed a moment to think or just to cry. My friend apologized again and said to please just proceed and that it was okay as she struggled to hold back her tears and get through the process as positively as she was able.

I stood quietly with her knowing how hard it was to hand over her rings. She had an incredibly beautiful set as she had been able to purchase them at cost while working for a high-end jeweler as one of their top sale managers. The thing about jewelry is it is usually purchased with an emotional connection. Jewelry is not a necessessity in life, it is a luxury. It is often a birthday gift, a proposal to share a life, a commitment to sharing a life, an anniversary celebrating that shared life, a token of love for Valentine's Day or a just because day, a "push-present" for the shared joy of a new baby, a self-reward for a job well done; anything representing an emotional bond or a life celebration. That is what she always loved about selling jewelry and I understand that is what makes it more than just a "thing". I understood my friend's tears. That was the ring she married her husband in, the ring she wore through a bunch of trials and tribulations as their marriage dealt them one bad hand after another, the ring she wore around her neck when they had a baby and her hands swelled too much to fit. Her rings were the one nice thing she had that even our friends with big fancy houses and nice wardrobes would sometimes become envious of because of how beautiful it was. And now they were gone. Never to be on her finger again but end up on the hand of another. She finished up the paperwork and collected the much needed check in exchange for her rings and we left. My friend had a rough night. I spoke with her this morning and she told me that she actually was quite distraught when she got home and had not expected such an emotional response from herself. 

Her husband was upset as well and I am sure feeling a loss of male pride since most men carry the burden of being the family provider. He is not a bad guy, in fact he is an incredible guy and he loves my friend more than anything. He has made his share of mistakes over the years (just like the rest of us) but has always been loyal and loving to her and their family and done the best he was capable of doing. I feel badly for both of them because they are good people who keep getting sucker-punched every time they try to take a step forward.

I shared that I was certain it was more than just the loss of the rings but the accumulation of the incredible stress and ongoing negative life events that seemed to have not let up for the past few years (and boy do I understand!!). It all gives new meaning to a diamond in the rough.

We are all diamonds in the rough. To get to our most beautiful and pure selves we have to dig and dig deep. Then we have to go through an incredible amount of heat to emerge as the beautiful stone we are before being cut and polished to perfection.It is quite an arduous process. Once we are ready though,we are not only strong but can emit a beautiful prism of light to all that see us from the many facets that have been cut into us.

Sometimes I feel like I am still being dug out of the ground and there are moments where I feel I am allowed to sparkle and be a prism of light.
Diamonds may not be forever but family is and I admire and respect anyone who recognizes which matters more and appreciates the beauty of the true gems of love around them.

Also, that friend is myself. They were my precious and beautiful diamond rings. The only way I could write this was to pretend I was someone on the outside looking in.