I love this painting, it could be a self-portrait. The swirling mix of colors and energy speak to me; the frantic feeling it invokes is familiar. Maybe some of you are able to relate to feeling like a personal whirlwind of mental and emotional overload.
Sometimes things get blurry and overwhelming in life. We ask ourselves constant questions, and try to make sense of everything. We feel inept, fearful, insecure, and become unsure of what to do. Sometimes, when we are most overwhelmed, we are unable to do anything. I believe it is the leading cause of procrastination; fear of imperfection, which temporarily cripples action.
For example, sometimes it can be hard to do any kind of housework when we know it will only make a small dent in the big ideal of a magazine spread worthy home. It is the same thing with anything in our lives, but on different scales. Putting off a term-paper, or work report, until the final hours is far more risky than letting the laundry pile up. Many people love to proclaim how they work better under pressure, but it is more likely that whatever pressing deadline they are facing becomes greater than the fear of imperfection. The fear factor has to shift before action to make change can occur.
For example, cleaning the house ten minutes before company comes over. The house does not get as clean as it would have with more detailed cleaning over a more reasonable amount of time; but the pressure to get as much done as possible, before the doorbell rings, and present what seems like a clean house to company, overtakes the fear of the house not being clean enough, or at all.
Procrastinating the repair of relationship issues, or health issues, can lead to more dire circumstances. What is even easier to put off actively pursuing, than any of these things I have mentioned, all of which are already present demands in our life; is our dreams.
Sometimes I get so wrapped up in all of the things I am supposed to be doing, that I forget about being who I want to be. If I let myself think about it long enough, I realize there is something still struggling within me to believe I deserve to be who I was created to be. Then, that mind-fucks me so badly, I freeze up and morph into stale state of being. I don't know if anyone else knows what I mean by that; a stale state of being. Sort of like being a high-functioning zombie. Doing the things I have to do, such as feeding my family, processing the laundry, buying groceries, and cleaning enough to not feel badly about it. I am so high functioning I can even maintain a somewhat healthy diet, and fairly steady exercise regimen. I work hard to be in the moments I am given, and to find the joy in life wherever it shows us, but often I feel empty inside, as though something is still missing. I already have the magic of the Universe in my heart, and I hate when people tell me I need to find God to fill me up. God is the one who put desires in my heart, and I believe it is up to me to figure out how to fulfill them.
So many of us function, but forget to make the effort to live. We procrastinate being our true selves. I do not want to one day find out I have the looming deadline of death, and then try to live as fully as possible "in the last ten minutes before company arrives". We all like to believe we will live to be a healthy old person who has had the chance to be and do all the things we dream of in our hearts. That is quite a gamble, and I believe the worst kind of procrastination there is.
I don't know about you, but what I need to figure out is this: Why it is so hard to do the things I need to do, to be the person I want to be.
I can sit and moan about all of the things I have tried to do, and failed at. I can look over my past and wonder why certain things occurred in my life, and why I walked many paths that currently seem to have served little purpose for much good. I can bemoan the trials of life and the difficulties I have been given to bear.
Or, I can just do, and finally be.
I know I am not alone. So many of us self-sabotage ourselves, and simply can not seem to do the simple things it takes for us to live a more fulfilling life. The craziest part of all is, if we make the best choices we are able, and do the things we know are good for us, life is actually easier. Yet, we make it harder. If we are making functioning at a basic level even harder on ourselves, making the changes and doing the work to make our dreams come true certainly would be a daunting task to procrastinate.
I could make a joke about how I am going to work on making some changes, "later!", but I am too serious for jokes. I do not know where any of you are on your personal journeys, and what desires you are holding in your heart, but procrastinating actually pursuing. I do know where I am. I feel like I am at a crossroads of wasting time and getting by, or rolling up my sleeves and getting to work on a hard project; myself.
I am afraid. I feel inept. I have been through the wringer the past few years and taken a life-beating I never imagined. I feel weak sometimes, and often the option of getting by is by far the easier choice to make. I do not want to just go through my life on cruise-control though. I do not want to scramble all of a sudden one day if a pressing deadline arises. I want to be ready for 'company to drop by at any time', because I am doing the hard work every day, not just in the final moments. Everything I have fought to accomplish throughout my life has been the result of steady, consistent, hard work and effort. It is truly the key to being successful in anything we want to accomplish, no matter big or small.
Stop wasting time. Stop wasting life away just getting by. Procrastination is nothing more than fear and negativity acting as a roadblock to your success. Go DO, and let yourself BE!
For example, sometimes it can be hard to do any kind of housework when we know it will only make a small dent in the big ideal of a magazine spread worthy home. It is the same thing with anything in our lives, but on different scales. Putting off a term-paper, or work report, until the final hours is far more risky than letting the laundry pile up. Many people love to proclaim how they work better under pressure, but it is more likely that whatever pressing deadline they are facing becomes greater than the fear of imperfection. The fear factor has to shift before action to make change can occur.
For example, cleaning the house ten minutes before company comes over. The house does not get as clean as it would have with more detailed cleaning over a more reasonable amount of time; but the pressure to get as much done as possible, before the doorbell rings, and present what seems like a clean house to company, overtakes the fear of the house not being clean enough, or at all.
Procrastinating the repair of relationship issues, or health issues, can lead to more dire circumstances. What is even easier to put off actively pursuing, than any of these things I have mentioned, all of which are already present demands in our life; is our dreams.
Sometimes I get so wrapped up in all of the things I am supposed to be doing, that I forget about being who I want to be. If I let myself think about it long enough, I realize there is something still struggling within me to believe I deserve to be who I was created to be. Then, that mind-fucks me so badly, I freeze up and morph into stale state of being. I don't know if anyone else knows what I mean by that; a stale state of being. Sort of like being a high-functioning zombie. Doing the things I have to do, such as feeding my family, processing the laundry, buying groceries, and cleaning enough to not feel badly about it. I am so high functioning I can even maintain a somewhat healthy diet, and fairly steady exercise regimen. I work hard to be in the moments I am given, and to find the joy in life wherever it shows us, but often I feel empty inside, as though something is still missing. I already have the magic of the Universe in my heart, and I hate when people tell me I need to find God to fill me up. God is the one who put desires in my heart, and I believe it is up to me to figure out how to fulfill them.
So many of us function, but forget to make the effort to live. We procrastinate being our true selves. I do not want to one day find out I have the looming deadline of death, and then try to live as fully as possible "in the last ten minutes before company arrives". We all like to believe we will live to be a healthy old person who has had the chance to be and do all the things we dream of in our hearts. That is quite a gamble, and I believe the worst kind of procrastination there is.
I don't know about you, but what I need to figure out is this: Why it is so hard to do the things I need to do, to be the person I want to be.
I can sit and moan about all of the things I have tried to do, and failed at. I can look over my past and wonder why certain things occurred in my life, and why I walked many paths that currently seem to have served little purpose for much good. I can bemoan the trials of life and the difficulties I have been given to bear.
Or, I can just do, and finally be.
I know I am not alone. So many of us self-sabotage ourselves, and simply can not seem to do the simple things it takes for us to live a more fulfilling life. The craziest part of all is, if we make the best choices we are able, and do the things we know are good for us, life is actually easier. Yet, we make it harder. If we are making functioning at a basic level even harder on ourselves, making the changes and doing the work to make our dreams come true certainly would be a daunting task to procrastinate.
I could make a joke about how I am going to work on making some changes, "later!", but I am too serious for jokes. I do not know where any of you are on your personal journeys, and what desires you are holding in your heart, but procrastinating actually pursuing. I do know where I am. I feel like I am at a crossroads of wasting time and getting by, or rolling up my sleeves and getting to work on a hard project; myself.
I am afraid. I feel inept. I have been through the wringer the past few years and taken a life-beating I never imagined. I feel weak sometimes, and often the option of getting by is by far the easier choice to make. I do not want to just go through my life on cruise-control though. I do not want to scramble all of a sudden one day if a pressing deadline arises. I want to be ready for 'company to drop by at any time', because I am doing the hard work every day, not just in the final moments. Everything I have fought to accomplish throughout my life has been the result of steady, consistent, hard work and effort. It is truly the key to being successful in anything we want to accomplish, no matter big or small.
Stop wasting time. Stop wasting life away just getting by. Procrastination is nothing more than fear and negativity acting as a roadblock to your success. Go DO, and let yourself BE!
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